This Japanese stuff is
by CallMeMike
Summary: Lance and Vanessa are two American exorcists who are entrusted to kill Satan's son. The only problem is that Lance is a coward... and Vanessa is an idiot.
1. Prologue

**Warning:** This Fan Fiction may contain slightly strong language, Mary-sue, and some obvious english mistakes that the writer didn't realize (because english is not my language).

**Prologue:**

"I don't think I look Asian" She said, unconvinced. Her face showed an expression that made obvious that she was uncomfortable with her blond hair dyed black, and her hazel eyes hidden behind those black contact lenses.

"If somebody ask" Lance answered "tell them your dad is Russian, or something."

"If my dad is Russian, why do I have to dye mah hair?"

"Don't get mad. You have to look as Japanese as possible."

She was about to reply. Se didn't see how dark hair and eyes could help her to look more Japanese. She looked as American as always.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Lance was already carrying the bags outside, where the taxi waited for them impatiently. When the driver saw Lance with the luggage, he smiled for a second; he looked towards the taximeter, and then smiled once more.

Meanwhile, that poor blond guy didn't get any help from anyone with the baggages, which were a little bit heavy, and he wasn't the 'hulky' kind of guy –he was all the opposite, actually. His lack of strength made carrying the bags to the trunk one of the most epic battles of his life... neh, he was just exaggerating; the most epic battle of his life was the first time he saw a demon. Man, why does he has to remember things like that at moments like these?

Lance cleared his mind and then he got into the car. A few moments later Vanessa was with him, in the backseat, with a huge space between them as usual.

He realized that Vanessa was smiling. She was excited, and she actually told him a few days ago that this mission was "the most exciting shit of _life_", with that dirty language that distinguishes her.

On the other side, Lance was scared. He didn't want to go to Japan; well, he wanted to, but not like this.

Vanessa was the only person in that little sect of protestants who accepted the mission. Maybe she was the bravest, or she wanted to prove something to herself... or she was a complete idiot. Yes, it was that: she was a complete, big, _huge_ idiot. I mean, who the heck accedes to go to Japan and infiltrate into the True Cross Academy, to spot and kill the son of Satan? Do they actually have real proof that the son of Satan is into that Academy?

Those thoughts made Lance's head spin around, but overall it made him mad. He wanted to draw back. He wasn't as stupid as Vanessa, and that's precisely why he was going with her, to be her "common sense", according to the leader of the sect. And besides, she would need a medical something around her, taking in count that she was going for Satan's son...

"And besides" the leader told him "You need an... experience. I don't want to be mean, but you are a..." he cleared his throat "A coward"

Lance always knew it, and he was really comfortable with the 'coward' tag, actually.

And this is how a brave but stupid girl, and a smart but coward guy, won a travel to Japan.


	2. God Bless America

"Everyone" Called Yukio "We have a new student with us. Please welcome: Matsumoto, Aiko."

All the class stared at the girl for a second. She blushed in response to the attention, and it didn't disappear even after that attention was gone a moment later. It didn't show that much thanks to all that makeup on her face, hiding the sunburns and the redness of her skin, but which is more incredible: it makes her look kind of Asian. Those kind of things made her doubt about Lance's sexual orientation, but you can't judge if a guy is gay or not just because he is good at makeup.

"You can sit wherever you want" Yukio told her with a smile.

Vanessa, now Aiko, nodded, and proceeded to find a seat.

She sat next to a black-haired girl with strange eyebrows. She looked at Vanessa with a derogatory look, and then she turned her head to the front, where Yukio was explaining some stuff that Vanessa could barely understand.

"Why did you sit with me?" Izumo questioned.

Vanessa didn't answer. She wanted to, but she didn't know how. She was lucky for understand all that weird babbling about medicine and plants and miasma and stuff.

"Are you deaf or something? Why did you sit with me?"

Vanessa realized Izumo was angry. All that fury just because she sat with her? She sighed and grabbed her stuff, then sat in another place. Hopefully Izumo will be happy now, but Vanessa doubts it –Izumo Kamiki seems like the kind of girl who is unhappy even in Disney World.

Lance expected to find something important into the Principal Office, or to be more specific, inside the principal's computer. There's always remarkable information into a principal's PC, right?: Student's information, like grades, detentions, and maybe even personal information like diseases... or "special" heritage.

Or at least that's what he wished, not all that manga and anime and junk that he found. Mephisto's computer was like a teenager's computer, a freaky one. Just one word: disappointment.

Lance sighed and brushed his hair with his fingers. If he didn't find any information inside the Principal's computer, where else? The only thing left was search for something inside Mephisto's desk, and hopefully there will be something relevant, or at least interesting.

"What are you doing with my Brother's computer?" Said a voice behind him.

Lance felt a heavy aura on his back, and a calm breath on his neck. Even with that hard chill paralyzing his body, Lance made an effort to turn around and see the face of that guy. Then, he just wished to do not have the brilliant idea of getting inside Mephisto's office, or at least to not have the brilliant idea of turning around.

Upside down, and with an expressionless face, was Amaimon, staring at Lance without blinking.

"Who are you?" Amaimon spoke again, but Lance couldn't answer, just babble like an idiot, like Vanessa when it comes to... everything.

"I-I'm... uh..."

"Are you an enemy?"

Amaimon got closer to Lance, increasing this last one's panic and making him act fast. Lance took a pepper-spray can from his belt and sprayed it all over Amaimon's eyes. The demon fell on the floor with his hands on his face, and the blond guy took the moment and ran away from him.

God bless holy water inside pepper-spray cans.

"E-excuse me!" Shiemi was running towards Vanessa, but tripped. Lucky Shiemi the black-haired girl was close enough to hold her, otherwise her face would be all over the floor.

Shiemi stood up and looked at Vanessa in the eye, but then Shiemi's sight fell to the floor and she began to play with her fingers. She didn't articulate anything understandable for a while. The only thing Vanessa could do was stare at her, wondering if it was her or Shiemi the one with the problem with the Japanese.

"Eh... I..." Shiemi took a deep breath and stood firm. Again, her eyes and Vanessa's were staring at each other "Matsumoto-San: Would you like to be my friend?"

_Oh, well. Why not?_

Vanessa nodded and smiled, then extended her hand to Shiemi. For a moment it felt like a deal, but she didn't know how the friendship thing worked in Japan, so she tried to be as formal as possible. You don't ask for permission to be someone's friend in America after all; you just go there, talk to them, break the ice and some stuff like that, and if there's a connection there's a friendship. Easy stuff.

Shiemi held Vanessa's hand.

"I'm so happy. I have a new friend!" She said, and Vanessa smiled again –She wasn't going to answer and expose herself, no sir.

One day Vanessa told him "Every single person has a talent, Lance. And I think I found yours: running". Maybe she was just joking around, but Lance was grateful it was true. With a stupidly powerful demon chasing you to kill you, running was useful.

In a couple of minutes, Lance was outside in a bridge. He leaned on his knees and took a deep breath. "That was close" he whispered to himself, tired, but happy.

_Crack... Crack. Crack!_ He heard, and the sound was getting closer and closer. When he tried to react, he realized the bridge was falling apart, and the responsible, Amaimon, was getting closer to him, floating. The image and the situation itself made Lance pale. The only thing left was keep running, and he did so.

His heart was racing. He felt how Amaimon was about to catch him. The worst part was, Lance is completely useless when it comes to fighting against demons, that's why he's always everywhere but in the battlefield; that was _Vanessa's_ job. Lance's job was to heal Vanessa's and other exorcist's wounds.

And now that we are talking about it, where the heck was Vanessa? She is not strong enough to beat Amaimon, but at least she was brave enough and had enough stamina to distract him. Lance was always with her when she needed him, why it can't be the opposite?

The sound of a shooting gun took Lance's thoughts away, and made Amaimon disappear, at least from Lance's radar. He felt relieved for a second, until the floor below him fell apart, and he fell with it.

A hand hold him tight, saving Lance from his death. Again, relief, and then panic again. _Who is this guy?_ He thought _is he a friend or a foe?_

Then he saw him: the guy was just a kid, fifteen years old or so. Brown hair and green eyes, with a couple of moles on his face, and a gun on each of his hands.

"Thanks... you're not going to kill me, right?" Lance said. At difference of Vanessa's accent, Lance's was almost perfect.

"No, I'm not" Yukio answered, then he fixed his glasses. "But I'm gonna ask you a question: Who are you?"

"Me?" He already prepared a lie for that question "I'm Matsumoto, Satoshi"

"Matsumoto?"

"Exactly"

"And what are you doing here?"

"My cousin assist to this school and..." He didn't have a lie prepared for that one "She forgot something"

"I can give it to her"

"You sure? This school is big and..."

"Is her name Matsumoto, Aiko?"

"H-how do you–"

"She's in my class. She wants to be an exorcist, right?"

"Y-yes. Give... give this to her" Lance gave Yukio his pepper-spray "It has holy water inside. It saves lives" _Hell yes it saves lives._

Yukio nodded "You should leave now" He said.

Lance felt Yukio suspected of him. Maybe because Lance has been followed by a High-Class Demon, or just because he didn't look really Japanese, but Yukio suspected. And that compromised the mission... just a little.


	3. It's Field Trip Time!

It was kind of stressing, the way Bon and Rin always fought about grades. Goddammit, their screams could be heard from outside the exorcists academy, or at least that's what Vanessa imagined. Seriously, were grades _that_ important?

"Okumura-kun is not the only one with problems, huh?"

That female voice and that mean tone were obviously from Izumo, who was staring at Vanessa's almost-blank quiz, and smirking like she was enjoying it.

"A Five year old could do better than that" She talked again.

Vanessa shrugged, trying to be indifferent towards Izumo's teasing. Some people say that if you ignore them, they'll go away, and Vanessa hoped that it will work both in America and Japan. And besides, she didn't have a way to answer –she could barely talk English, so it has to be some kind of a joke her speaking Japanese.

The answer, rather the lack of an answer, made Izumo get red, like she was hoping for Vanessa to get mad and make a response so she would look like an idiot. But it turned around: now Izumo was the stupid one, just for trying to be the bully.

God bless silence.

Either way, Vanessa actually wanted to slap Mrs. Eyebrows.

"Huh? You failed too!" Cried Shiemi when she saw Vanessa's sheet.

Not any other option, but nod.

"Don't worry, this quiz was hard. Most of us didn't get any good grade either" Even though Shiemi was smiling and saying that to make her friend feel better, the fact that they failed still sucked.

"T-thanks" Vanessa mused.

"For what?"

_Don't make me talk more than the necessary, gosh!_

"For... I... Feel better... now" Close enough.

"No problem"

That's what friends are for, right?

"Everybody, listen!" Said Shura as she entered the classroom "We're going on a field trip!"

"A field trip?" Rin questioned.

"Exactly. We'll visit an abandoned mansion full of demons and... Don't need to explain all that technical stuff, it's obvious." She waved her hand "It's the day after tomorrow. And now go to your seats."

Vanessa didn't know where did Lance got the idea that Asian women are skinny, small, pretty but with small boobs and booty. This woman, Shura, had the biggest tits Vanessa ever saw in her life, and she have been in Victoria's Secret stores a lot, and saw a couple of Playboy magazines, so this teacher with eccentric hair deserved a price... or at least a surgery to make her boobs smaller –Vanessa heard that boobs way too big are bad for a woman's back.

"Is there a problem, Matsumoto-san?" Shura inquired.

"N-no" She answered.

"Well, it seems like you have a–"

"Your boobies are _huge_!" Vanessa had a weird way to pronounce the R, at least for the Japanese, the same with the O, but she couldn't stop that comment. Verbal vomiting "Are like... watermelons!"

She stopped herself before saying "Get a shirt, woman!" or "Are those even _real_?", or at least before her American accent showed way too much. There was a reason why Lance always had the infiltrated role and Vanessa the killer role: the blending in part, or in other words, the 'I-should-shut-up' part.

Shura, instead of getting angry, just grinned with a little of malice. She looked towards her boobs and then saw Vanessa again. With a seductive voice, and with a pose that for some reason reminded Vanessa this old song from the 80's called "Hot For Teacher", she asked:

"So, do you like them?"

"I... won't answer that"

No, she didn't. She liked girls with a reasonable size of bra. Surpassing the 34 C, it became disgusting. Not like she was attracted to girls.

"You know you like them"

Bon raised his hand.

"Can we begin with the class?" He asked. He seemed a little bit mad, but it was understandable: this whole part is just a crappy filler because the author needed a bridge for the field trip part.

The volume of the earphones was at the top, and the bass of the song was attacking her ears violently. Even Lance could listen to that aggressive rap, and he was two seats away from Vanessa. A bag was between them acting like a wall, besides the earphones and the music, so she wouldn't punch him in the face for coming with her to the field trip.

She was angry, and felt denigrated because of Lance's behavior. Always treating her like a child who needed protection and caring... She didn't need a babysitter to watch out for her. She was perfectly fine –discarding the "huge-boobs" incident, she hasn't screw up yet.

"You're gonna end up deaf listening to music that loud" Lance told her. She heard that, but ignored it. "Are you listening to me?"

She was tilting her head at the rhythm of the music, and tapping the floor of the bus with her shoe, trying to shut herself up and relax. She was about to strangle him.

"Are you mad at me?"

She removed one of her earphones and looked at him with spite. Her whole body language was a 'yes', but she wanted to say it too.

"Yes, I am" Said Vanessa.

"Why?"

"Why did you come?"

"The mission was for both of us. You're not the only one searching for... 'him' you know?"

"Yes, but you didn't want to come, did ya'? The sect included yo' in mah business, mah mission, 'cause they think Ah cannot take care of mahself!"

She was getting closer and closer with every complaining word spitted from her mouth. Her voice was low but menacing, and her eyes were set on fire. She would break down at any moment.

"And what did you want me to do?" He mused.

"I want yo' to stay there, in the Academy, stalking the Principal or something so you can stay away fro'me at least for a day!"

She sat at her seat again, and that bring Lance some kind of relief.

Lance never saw Vanessa that mad ever since this guy broke up with her because she wasn't "his type". Why being so mad about having a partner? He knew girls want some kind of independence, specially since the 1920's, but having a partner is not that bad. If it was because it made her look weak, she said before she didn't care about looks. And besides, the fact that a girl has to defend him makes _him_ look weak too, and he doesn't complain about it –He may complain about the rumor that he is gay, but not about the rumor that he's a crybaby... Maybe because he admits he _is_ a crybaby.

"Aiko-San!" Called Shiemi. She moved to the seats in front of Lance and Vanessa, so she can talk to her.

"Ah... Shiemi-... uh..."

"San" Lance whispered to Vanessa.

"...San. W-what brings you here?" At least Lance's Japanese Class worths it –she can talk now.

"I-I just wanted to talk with you. Like friends. T-that's what friends do, right?"

"T-talking... ehm... on their way to a field trip... yes, t-they do that!"

For a moment Lance felt like he was on his way to a stutterer convention, and that sensation increased exponentially with every second of Vanessa's and Shiemi's conversation. _At least Vanessa found a friend like her –with the same speech problem._ He thought. It was a mean comment, and that's why he didn't mentioned it.

And this is why he ended up borrowing Vanessa's MP3. It was full of rap, ska and reggae, but luckily Lance uploaded some Indie and classic rock just in case. And now he realizes how different they are from each other; he wonders how the heck they can possibly work so well as Mission Partners, maybe it's just like the Yin & Yang philosophy, but he's not into that kind of stuff.

"Everybody!" Yukio called, and everybody turned towards him. Miss Huge-Boobs Shura was next to him with a careless look, highlighting Mr. Glasses serious face. "This abandoned mansion behind me is our mission. We are entering to exterminate all the demons we can find. Most of them are low-class demons like goblins, so hopefully there won't be any kind of awful incidents. Now, grab your stuff and come inside."

All the students and Lance followed Yukio to the mansion's entrance, just to realize how disregarded it was. The floor and furniture full of dust, and the ceiling crowded with spiderwebs clearly showed the house has been abandoned for years, and the cracking sound the floor made when stepping on it gave everything but a sensation of safety. The sunlight was obstructed by those horrible curtains covering every single window, and there wasn't any electricity. The wallpaper and the paint was falling apart...

That house seemed like the set of a low-budget horror movie.

"I bet you this place is full of ghosts" Vanessa joked.

"Actually, it is" Yukio explained "The last person who tried to buy this mansion reported apparitions and strange sounds. And he got a mashou from a goblin"

Now that she remember, she got a mashou from a goblin too.

"So, Lance" Said Vanessa "Are you scared?"

"Scared? Me? Of goblins and ghosts?" He laughed nervously "Heck no! As he said, they're low-class demons, right?"

"You're shaking like a Chihuahua"

"It's because I'm cold"

"Okay, I'm gonna lie and say I believe you...: I believe you."

At least her Japanese was improving, but discarding that, her comment was mean.

Lance was about to respond, but his worst enemy, the 'floor cracking' sound, appeared again. It was followed by the sound of old wood breaking and a girl's scream. It seems like someone didn't watch her step and fell into the basement, and that someone was Shiemi.

"Shiemi!" Rin cried. He hurried towards the hole in which Shiemi fell, and stared at it for a moment. He was ready to jump, but a hand holding his arm stopped him.

"Wait!" Said Lance "Be careful where you fall in. You could fall on the girl"

"What I'm supposed to do, then?"

Lance turned towards everybody and asked: "Does somebody have a lantern or something?"

Yukio had one. He got closer the hole in a hurry, and then pointed the lantern towards it, but the light didn't cut through the darkness.

"Shiemi-san! Are you okay?" He yelled, but there was no answer from Shiemi. On the other hand, he felt the danger coming towards them.


	4. Horde

**Note:** Yeah, I took my time to upload this one. I had a "writer block". I knew what I wanted in this chapter but I didn't know how to write it. Now that I'm done, I hope you like it.

* * *

><p>Before Yukio could even react, small figures with tail and wicked smiles were already crowding the place. The weak but at the same time annoying goblins were ready to attack, laughing, but it wasn't funny at all. This situation was not funny at all.<p>

"That girl is probably bleeding" Satoshi pointed out something more than obvious, but by the look of Rin's face, Yukio guessed it wasn't that obvious for him.

"Most likely" Yukio stood up and took out his guns from his pockets, ready to exterminate some goblins, at least the ones who were closer to him, so he could go on and aid Shiemi.

This extermination is not supposed to take long, five minutes maximum if Shura and the rest of the students help. And hopefully Shiemi just had a couple of scratches and bruises and...

"Tsk!"

That sound, followed by Rin's voice shouting a long "Shiemi!", and this same noise fading out made Yukio clench his teeth. He turned around just to see the obvious: Rin jumped into the trench to help Shiemi, even though he didn't have any experience... or anything.

To make things worse, Satoshi stared at Yukio for a moment, then at the hole on the floor, then at Yukio again.

"I'll go" He said "I'm not helpful here"

"Huh?"

"I'm a doctor –a student... but I can help. I can give first aid to that girl"

Yukio was about to complain, but Satoshi already jumped in a moment of bravery, or most likely, of stupidity. By the expression of his face, Yukio could realize what Satoshi was thinking, and it was something like "Just do it, don't think about it. Just do it, don't think about it...".

Lance fell into a bunch of old and humid wood, which hurt him rather than cushion his falling. He growled in pain and then stood up with a lot of effort, just to realize he couldn't see anything, and that Shiemi wasn't there anymore, neither Rin.

"Damn, that guy's fast!" He whispered to himself.

He searched through his pockets until finding his cellphone. He unlocked the keyboard and pressed it every five seconds, so the light that the screen gives won't turn off and to keep the keyboard from locking itself again. When he felt comfortable with the lighting, he began to walk around the place to find that pair of kids.

"Hello?... Hello...?" He asked, praying in his head so his voice won't attract any kind of demons. He didn't even have his pepper-spray/holy water with him, so he was defenseless.

A series of sounds that suggested a battle, or an evasion of a battle, reached Lance's ears. It came from the darkness and not from the floor above him, so they probably were that stubborn black-haired kid with his blond girlfriend.

Lance didn't run towards the noise, he rather walked, carefully watching his step so he won't trip with anything.

"Get lost!" Lance heard. Yup, it was that Okumura kid.

The sound of Rin's yelling voice was getting closer and closer, and a chill burned Lance's arms and backbone; he heard something else.

"_You_ get lost, kid" A ghostly voice demanded "This is _my_ house, _my_ kingdom! And I'll destroy anyone who wants to take it away from me!"

Lance's heart started bumping fiercely. He could barely see through that deep penumbra, and he was way too close from a hot-headed and full of hormones teenager who was provoking a ghost who probably had a 'strong personality'.

The ghost growled, a clear signal that he was about to attack Rin. Lance couldn't see it, but he could hear it and feel it. What he saw, and he wished he didn't, was a burst of blue flames coming out from Rin's body. Those flames completely surrounded the ghost, and fed themselves with him; meanwhile the ghost was screaming in pain and anger, then dissipated shortly before the blue fire did.

Lucky Lance he was behind Rin's back, otherwise he would be seen by him. Then Rin turned around and his luck was over.

"Okay Lance, stay calm and invent something" he told himself inside his head.

He pointed the cellphone's light towards Rin, who was carrying Shiemi on his arms. Then, he walked towards them.

"There you are!" Lance said "Are you okay?"

"Uhm... yeah, we are okay" Rin seemed a little bit shy and surprised. Disconcerted.

"Did you see that blue sparkle?"

"Wh-what blue sparkle?" Now he seemed nervous.

"You didn't?"

"N-no"

"It was huge"

"I-I'm pretty sure I didn't see it"

Lance shrugged, acting like nothing was happening, even though he was melting on the inside because of the fear.

"How is she?" He pointed at Shiemi.

"She is unconscious" Rin leave Shiemi carefully on the floor, then gave some steps back, and stared at Lance through the darkness.

He got closer to Shiemi and examinated her carefully.

"We'll need some ice" He told Rin "We should go upstairs so we can treat this contusion on her forehead"

"W-what about her other wounds?"

"Nothing to worry about. Some band-aids and that's all. Come and help me to carry her"

If it wasn't because of Shura's protection, she would be totally skewed. At least five goblins attacked her already, and she didn't react at all.

"Girl, if you want to survive, you need to move" Shura told her.

Vanessa knew that, but for some reason her body didn't... or maybe just forgot it.

There was sweat on her forehead, her fingers and her knees shaking. Her breath was heavy, and another goblin was already going after her. And now she realizes that her eyes are wet with tears.

She couldn't hear anything from the outside. It was just herself and the goblin. A small, weak goblin which managed to scare her. No, it wasn't that; he didn't scare her, it was something else...

"Lupita!"

The sound of her middle name bring her back to the real world. She evaded the goblin, then lifted her skirt a little. A dagger was attached to each one of her legs. She took the right dagger and sliced the goblin with it, then proceeded to take the left dagger.

She turned around to see the one who rescued her from her own thoughts: with a lot of scratches and trying to get out of the hole was Lance, being helped by Rin Okumura, and staring at her with concern.

"What's wrong with you?" He yelled at her "They're just... goblins. I saw you beat up a ghoul by yourself once, what's happening now?"

Vanessa smiled at him.

"Nothing"

She ran towards the first goblin she saw and destroyed it the same way she did with the first one, then threw her dagger to another one, which began to disappear. She picked up her dagger and sliced another demon, and another, and another...

Vanessa moved all around the place, killing those little creatures here and there. She even killed one before Shura, just for the sake of teasing.

"Girl, if you want to survive, you need smaller boobs" She told Shura.

"Don't move"

Vanessa looked around, and saw it was over. But more important, she saw how Yukio was pointing at her with his gun, and Lance was next to him in the same position as her.

"Throw your weapons" Said Yukio. Vanessa didn't have any other options, so she did so.

Yukio made her a signal to move away from Shura, and ordered Lance to walk next to Vanessa.

"Now, answer me a question: Who are you?"


End file.
